Your Past Does Not Define Who You Are

We are living in a fast-paced world. This year is flying by. We are constantly shaped by what we think, what decisions we make and attitude we have toward certain things.

Who are you?

Some people may start their answers with listing their job titles and where they work, if they are a parent or not, or some accomplishments they think are important.

Who are you really?

Are you a person who enjoys helping other people? Are you a person who is good at math? Are you a person who gives gratitude every day?

Looking back in time, say three years. How are you different now compared to three years ago? If you go back to a more recent past – one week ago – how are you a different person compared to then?

For me, three years ago, I was a person who went home late from work and still had charts to complete. I was miserable and did not get to enjoy life. I am now a person who goes home on time with my clinical work completed. I coach physicians so that they too get to go home on time from work. I get to experience more positive emotions. I am grateful, I find more joy in life and I get to have better and deeper connections with other people. Compared to a week ago, I have even more days that I close all my charts and go home on time. I have learned from and helped my coaching clients even more.

We are always changing and evolving. Our past shapes who we become, and it does not define who we are. It depends on what you make your past experiences mean.

Our past shapes us. Our past is an opportunity to learn from. Our past helps us grow to be better. Of course, you can always let your past define who you are – if you let it. Sometimes it is a good thing. When there is a bad experience and you hold on to it and let it define who you are, that is probably not helpful for your growth and character.

For example, you were a person who did not know how to ride a bicycle. You wanted to know how to ride a bike, so you did not accept the fact you did not know how to ride a bike to be your identity. You wanted a new identity of able to ride a bike. So you worked hard to learn. You tripped, you fell, you got up, you tried, again and again because you wanted to change who you were and you believed that you could have a new identity. Eventually, you were able to ride a bike.

Your past defines who you are only if you let it. You get to decide. You get to question if that is who you want to be. Holding on to your past is choice. It is not a “have to”. Holding on to your past, especially with unpleasant experiences or outcomes, may limit yourself. It may limit your openness to explore who you can become. It may limit your hidden potential.

It is important to realize that your past does not define who you are today. Your past does not define who you are in the future. Your past shapes you and you learn and grow from it. Acknowledge your past and be grateful for it. You cannot go back to change your past. You are at the right place and at the right time. You may not realize it now. When you are in the future and look back, you will understand how a particular experience has helped you.

When you decide you want a different you or a different identity, you let go of your past identity and start to work toward the new you, the way you want to define who you are. Just as I thought I had to define myself as a physician who was working long past stated office hours, I wanted to define myself quite the opposite way. I wanted to be a physician who left work on time. I believed it was possible to do it and I worked hard for it, with the proper guidance. Gradually that became my new identity. I am a physician who goes home on time with all my charts done.

Who are you? Embrace your past experiences and be grateful for them. You get to learn from them and decide who you want to be.