Why Physicians Do Not Ask For Help

Dr. Leila (not her real name) is a relatively new attending physician. She joined a single-specialty group practice. During our coaching session, Dr. Leila shared that she was assigned last minute to help one of her colleagues the other day because it was busier than usual in the hospital. Her colleague asked her to see a few specific patients. In the meantime, he saw most of the patients. He then asked if Dr. Leila needed help to see the rest of the patients. Dr. Leila’s reply was no, she was okay, so her colleague left.

At that time, Dr. Leila was just finished with a patient with complicated issues. It was almost 4 pm and she still had quite a few patients on her list to be seen. She did not finish her work day until she finished the patient documentation past 10 pm.

I was curious why Dr. Leila did not say yes to her colleague’s offer for help. Her belief was that she could not ask for help. Asking for help to her was embarrassing, because it was an indication that she did not know what she was doing. It would make her look incapable, which meant untrustworthy. Her colleague might think that the group hired the wrong person.

Our minds are so powerful. While Dr. Leila really wanted to say yes, I would appreciate your help, she answered no instead because of all those beliefs. I challenged her – were those thoughts absolutely true?

What did Dr. Leila sacrifice by not asking for help?

She sacrificed her time, her effort and her energy. She was the extra help for her colleague – she helped her colleague by sharing the patient list, yet she ended up finishing much later than he did. Dr. Leila felt bad because she only saw a handful of the patients while her colleague saw most of the other patients.

By not asking for help, or accepting the help, Dr. Leila also eliminated an opportunity to learn. Maybe there is a “secret” to being more efficient that her colleague is doing that she does not know. Maybe there is a shortcut in the electronic health record program.

It is okay to ask for help when you need it, no matter how long you have been an attending physician for. Your schooling and training equip you to a certain extent, and there are many things you learn in real life when you are practicing medicine. We cannot control what other people think, and that is okay. Whatever other people think does not make you less capable or less worthy. You went through rigorous training to get to where you are. People do not expect you to know everything. It is human not to know everything. It is okay to be imperfect.

You can decide how you think about you asking for help. Asking for help is simply a gesture to indicate your need for assistance. It is an opportunity to learn and grow. It is also an opportunity to establish a better connection with your colleagues. When you ask for help in a specific situation, the person you asked for help gets to know what you need and guides you accordingly.

For Dr. Leila, help was offered to her. Her colleague could have announced that he was leaving the hospital instead of asking if she needed his help. Even if help was not offered, it is okay to ask for help at any time.

I have been an attending physician for more than ten years and I ask for help from time to time. Sometimes it is to get another set of eyes to look at a complicated patient. Sometimes it is to make sure I am not missing anything. Asking for help is to ensure I provide the best care for my patients without sacrificing my well-being. I believe it is essential for physicians to be well to take great care of their patients.

Whenever there is a new physician joining my group, I am ready to help. I expect the new physician to ask questions. I also check to see if they have any questions or concerns. I do not expect them to know everything. In fact, I do not expect any physician to know everything, not even in their specialty. This does not mean I doubt their ability to do their job. It is normal for a physician to know a lot and not everything.

No matter how long you have been an attending physician, it is okay to ask for help. Physicians in general are willing to help you the best that they can. You may feel vulnerable by asking for help and that is okay. Asking for help does not make you a lesser person. Asking for help does not mean you are less worthy. Asking for help allows you to learn, grow and become a better person.