Why It Is Important To Feel The Unpleasant Emotions

We all have the capacity and capability to experience pleasant and unpleasant emotions. Without the unpleasant emotions, it is impossible to live life to the fullest. You may argue that you only want to feel the pleasant emotions and forget about experiencing the full spectrum of life. While it may be tempting to create a life with only pleasant emotions, it is not possible. You may end up being more frustrated, angry and stressed because you are unable to create this ideal life with only pleasant emotions.

As pleasant and unpleasant emotions are always going to be part of our lives, we can learn how to experience them and to live with them in a way that will help us grow.

When you experience an unpleasant emotion, what is the first thing you do? Before I experienced life coaching, my initial reaction was to push that unpleasant feeling away. I did not like the way I felt. I wanted it to disappear. Besides thinking about the situation that was upsetting to me, I was also thinking how I wanted to feel some pleasant emotion right away.

My coach and I were having a discussion on feeling the unpleasant feelings recently. She asked me why it was important to feel the unpleasant feelings. While I talked about how it was important to experience the full spectrum of emotions, I could also hear the counter-argument in my head. What if someone said they did not want to have that full experience of emotions and just wanted to experience the pleasant ones?

Then my coach asked me this: what if one day, you saw your son sitting at the dining table, wearing a frown with tears welled up in his eyes and looking at you. And what if you just started at the dining table to eat, without any eye contact or conversation with your son? This same thing was happening every day. What would happen?

Having that scenario in my head was quite distressing to me. If my son was being ignored day in and day out, not being noticed, he would eventually stop showing up. He would be hiding. He would probably think what was the point of all this? He might even want to leave me – or leave the world.

Imagine my son is an unpleasant emotion, which is part of me. It is always going to be part of me, no matter if I acknowledge it or not. The unpleasant emotion is here as a signal, as an alert, that something is going on. Probably something that is not in alignment with your values. Or something that you want to change. Without the unpleasant emotion, or if you are ignoring it, you may not realize what you really want in life.

Instead of ignoring an integral part of your body, acknowledge your unpleasant emotions. Ask yourself what is going on. Just like how I would talk to my son in a loving way, tell yourself that it is okay to feel this way. Accept the unpleasant feeling. Be in the present. Do not spend your energy arguing with the fact that you are experiencing something unpleasant when it is already there. You need your own attention. If you do not acknowledge and accept the existence of unpleasant emotions, that part of you will be desperate for attention, no matter how hard you try to suppress or ignore it.

Emotional well-being is letting yourself experience both pleasant and unpleasant emotions and letting them coexist within you. You experience the emotions in real time, in the present, without judgment. Accept what they are. Experience how they feel in your body. Notice what your main thought is causing that emotion.

When you feel at peace with your feelings and experience, that is the time to move forward. Be grateful for this experience that you get to process your thoughts and feelings instead of ignoring or escaping from them.