The Power Of Choice In Everday Life

In one of our coaching sessions, a client shared with me about an argument she had with her 6-year-old daughter. Let us call her Casey. Casey made breakfast for her daughter, hot from the stove. She called her daughter to go over. Her daughter arrived at the breakfast table about 15 minutes later. By that time, the food was no longer toasty. Her daughter expressed that she did not want to eat it because she did not like it, and added that her father would ask her what she wanted to eat.

Casey was upset because she put in her best effort to make the breakfast, and expected her daughter to eat it happily. Instead, Casey was faced with quite a different scenario. She did not offer her daughter any option for breakfast food because it did not cross her mind to do it. Growing up, the choice for breakfast was already made for her. There was one option of food and she was not offered an alternative. She accepted it and ate whatever breakfast was made. She was also taught at home that, if there were options and she did not get what she wanted, there would be disappointment.

After decades of that concept being engraved in her mind, Casey no longer paid attention to what she wanted – what she really wanted. She would almost freeze when she saw a 10-page menu from a diner. She would not know what to pick from it. Eventually she would pick something just for the sake of getting the order in, but not really choosing what she wanted – because she did not even know what she wanted.

As she was about to make breakfast for her daughter, she simply carried out what she learned growing up – to make breakfast for her daughter, with the choice already made.

I pointed out to Casey that her daughter was upset because the option to choose was taken away from her. Even though she was a small child, her daughter understood the importance of having a choice, not afraid to speak from her heart.

As we reimagined the breakfast incident, we discussed that it was alright to offer the option to choose. It was an interesting concept that Casey learned when she was growing up – that if there were options, and if she could not get the chosen option, she would be disappointed. That was what Casey’s mother believed and taught her. In other words, to avoid someone else’s disappointment, she made the choice for that person. What she did not realize was that stripping someone’s the power to choose could be much more devastating than not having what the first choice would be.

Having the option to choose is empowering.  For Casey, she gets to decide what options to offer her daughter as possibilities for breakfast food. She is in control. For her daughter, she gets to decide from the available options, so she is the one choosing. This makes her daughter feel in control too.

Having to make a choice is also an exercise to speak your mind, to do things in alignment with your values and beliefs. If you find out later that the choice you made did not turn out the way you wanted, you learn from your experience and grow from it. You also learn to own your decision, because you are the one who chose it.

Casey and I discussed the importance of discovering herself, to figure out who she truly is and what she really desires, not just what she thinks she can have and settles for it. We talked about listening to her heart, her inner voice. It will be easier to make choices. We also discussed that we are making many choices throughout the day.

Even things which appear to have no options, you are making a choice. You are choosing to take care of your children. There is the choice of ignoring them too, but you are not even acknowledging that as an option because of the consequences you do not want to happen. You are choosing to stay at a job you do not like because of job security and a steady income.

Both offering choices and receiving those choices are empowering. It gives you a sense of control. When you make a choice, you are also asking yourself if that is according to your character. There are many choices in everyday life that is made without using a conscious mind to think about it. I invite you to see how many “hidden choices” you have made. You will realize you are more in control than you think. When you are in control, you will likely be more confident, more focused and more dedicated to do something. Start today with making choices and to the best of your ability, let others do the same.

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” – Victor Frankl.