The Power Of Believing

Not long ago, I would dread every morning. I used to wake up and wish I did not have to get out of bed and go to work. I felt tired and I thought to myself that it would be another long and nauseating day. Almost every moment was unpleasant. The traffic to work was annoying. Oh, I did not drive fast enough so I missed that green light. The desk was messy. Another complaint about their health. Why would you have another question? I had no time to finish my charts…

All these unpalatable thoughts were rushing into my head. I was feeling frustrated and disgusted. That was a typical work day. I was drained even before the day was started. Yes, my patients received the appropriate care they deserved. Yes, I eventually got the work done. The will power I had no choice but invested to fuel my body was so intense that it further my contempt.

At that time, I blamed it all to my job. I believed it was the outpatient clinic, the volume of patients, the many tasks I was assigned to complete – all these things caused me the downfall of my life. What I did not realize was that all those things I listed were neutral. How the clinic was operated. There were X number of patients. There was a list of things to do. I was the one who put meaning to them and made all these things detestable. How did I do that? It started from the beginning of the day – I believed that the day would be terrible, even before the day started.

That one simple sentence of “It will be another long and nauseating day” had a profound impact of how I felt. When I felt annoyed and frustrated, every little thing upset me. As much as I loved taking care of my patients, it was like an obligation, like I had no choice. It felt almost suffocating. I was subconsciously finding every little event to be the evidence to support that it was a terrible day.

The words in our brain can lift us up or pull us down. A lot of the times we do not even realize what we are saying to ourselves. Those same words and sentences conveniently become our beliefs.

We may not be able to change our circumstances, but we can certainly be mindful of what we are saying to ourselves. If we say the same thing enough times, we will start to believe it. That generates an emotion. We, human beings, act according to our feelings. So how we feel determines how we do certain things and not do other things.

Work is always packed. It is always more unpredictable in the inpatient setting. I was scheduled to be in the hospital this past week. I have decided months ago that I will always be thankful and I will always make every day a good day.

Monday morning. I woke up 5 minutes before the alarm went off. I told myself, “Today is going to be a good day.” I said it several times before leaving for work. The day started off with four new patient consults. It was my first day on service, so I did not know any patients, not even patients who were already being seen by our service.

In the past, I would be angry and disgusted because that proved my thought of being a long and dreadful day. However, that day, I focused on it being a good day. I started to find evidence to support my belief. I was thankful to have my team of two nurse practitioners and a resident. I told my team that it would be a good day and we would take care of all the patients and finish on time. As more patient consults were requested of us, I accepted the reality of it and focused on how to do my best and make it a good day. Yes, there were some very sick patients, as the triple threat of COVID, influenza and RSV was getting more serious. Yes, I ended up with double the number of a typical day in the consultation service. Yet I did not dread. I did not blame anyone. I did not get angry. I was grateful for my team. I was able to focus on patient care and even squeeze in some small talks with the patients. Even though I had double the load, I did not feel heavy or weighed down. While I was in the patients’ rooms, I did not feel hurried. Don’t get me wrong, I was watching my time carefully, but I was not in a mad rush to dart out of the door. It was a great sense of accomplishment when I finished that day.

All this was possible because I believed that it would be a good day.

Let us all speak to ourselves in a kind way. Look for a more helpful perspective to examine our situation. If your default thinking or belief is weighing you down, then explore what other ways to view the situation. The more times we say the same sentences to ourselves, the more they become our beliefs. Different beliefs generate different emotions. Our actions are entirely different with two different emotions. As our actions affect the results, let us control what we can control – generating a helpful belief in every situation we face.