The Most Common Emotions

The first time when I was asked what my three most common emotions were, I was taken back. It was during one of my first coaching sessions, being coached. As much as I understood that human beings were supposed to have feelings, somehow I had this belief that physicians were not supposed to have emotions, especially not in patient care.

I really had to think hard about what emotions I had most of the time. We all have feelings, all the time. It is just that we are sometimes not aware of how we are feeling. Other times we may be ignoring what we are feeling. Or we are rejecting what we are feeling.

In the not-so-distant past, life before coaching, I was mostly operating by adhering to what needed to be done. I would frequently brush off what I was feeling because it was not a pleasant feeling. I also did not think I had the luxury or the time to feel.

Pretending or acting as if I was not affected by my emotions was not allowing myself to be fully me. The whole me had different feelings at different times.

To answer that question about my three most common emotions, I had to explore who I was, what I was thinking and what I was feeling at different moments. Little did I know, at that time, that my coach asked me the question to increase my self-awareness, to explore who I was and to find out who I wanted to be.

Frustrated, stressed and overwhelmed were my three most common emotions. Anger came in a close number four. As soon as I shared this with my coach during that coaching session, I realized I did not want it that way. I wanted to feel better in at least 50% of the time.

The first step of awareness really opened up my eyes. I was living a miserable life. While other people might have thought that I had a great life, with the job I wanted, earned decent money, great friends and family, I did not feel the same way. Yes to the amazing friends and family. My job did not turn out the way I envisioned it to be. I was working more hours than I bargained for. There was not much life outside of work. My hourly rate for salary was relatively low compared to physicians in other parts of the country and compared to other professions (with the many years of training I received). It turns out that many of my physician colleagues think similarly; but this does not justify the job situation or how I feel.

I wanted to feel better.

When my coach asked what three emotions I wanted to feel instead, I chose content, gratitude and light-hearted.

It sounded like a dream. I had no idea how I could go from the negative extreme to cross over to the positive emotions I desired.

Our thoughts affect our feelings, I was told. That made sense. The main thought that was causing my negative emotions was an easily identifiable one. I was working too many hours and I had no way to shorten it.

What if there was a way to shorten my work hours? My coach asked me to imagine how that would feel. Even just exploring the possibility of going home on time made me feel more hopeful.

With that, I frequently reminded myself how it would feel to go home on time. Content and gratitude came up. Light-heartedness soon followed.

It was the constant practice of how I wanted to feel, how I would have to think to feel this way that fueled me to work on shortening my work hours with the same amount of work to be done. I was motivated to look into everything to shorten my clinic day by being more efficient.

Fast forward to three months after being coached, I was able to harness the focus and determination to finish my clinic day on time, leaving work at work. Since then, I have been going home around 5 pm, without bringing patient charts home to complete.

I feel content because I get to go home on time and spend after work hours to do other things. I get to spend time with my family. I get to coach other physicians. I get to cook sometimes.

I feel tremendous gratitude because I was introduced to coaching, which not only helped with my clinic day and work flow, it also helped me with being present and help other people with coaching.

Light-hearted was something I somehow distanced myself from. Not on purpose. It just happened. I take light-hearted and curiosity hand-in-hand. It is important to always be open to possibilities, even when it seemed impossible. The more I was open to try on the light-hearted feeling, the more I enjoyed its presence.

You ultimately get to decide how you want to feel. Examine what your most common emotions are. Do you like them? What are your main thoughts which cause the way you feel? How do you want to feel instead? Explore what you can think to drive your feelings. What actions will you take, or what do you think needs to be done so you can have the emotions you desire instead?

This may not be an overnight process, but it is possible to feel better. Keep at it, to be aware of your true feelings, what the driving thought behind it is, and what alternative thought you get to have instead. It is a constant practice. Your brain will want you to go back to the “old way”, the familiar or the default way. Until a new routine becomes a habit, you will always want to go back to the old habit (of thinking).