The Fear Monster

It was a Friday night in early December. As I was going home from a friend’s house, I had a sudden urge to go to the bathroom, as if I was about to fail to hold my bladder. Only after a few minutes, when I kept pouring out fluid, did I realize that it was not urine. It was amniotic fluid. My due date was three and a half weeks away. I was not ready to be a mother. What if I could not be a good mom? What if I could not take good care of the newborn child? The fear started to stir within me. I still remember the hollow and empty feeling from the fear. I remember the palpitations and the tremor on my hands on the way to the hospital.

Fear has many facets. It usually comes in the flavor of doubt or uncertainty about something. Fear can also be associated with an irrational state of phobia, such as the tremendous fear of heights or the extreme fear of spiders. Fear may come as feeling that something unpleasant is going to happen.

No matter what form fear comes in, it always comes with some form of doubt. It stops you from moving forward. It questions your ability to do things. The uncertainty from fear causes you to lack confidence, so much so that you don’t even want to start tackling the task at hand.

Fear, as much as it smells and tastes real, is created by us, by our own mind. Fear is something our brain uses to protect us from potential harm - the brain does not want to chance it even though the harm is only a possibility. The fear monster is created to scare you away from danger. It is a monster because the more you think about it, the bigger it gets. It interrupts your daily life. It interferes with your relationships. The more you are indecisive about doing one thing, the more procrastination you allow yourself, the bigger the fear gets. Some people even get physically ill from having tremendous fear.

We are all human beings. Fear is always going to be part of our creation. Realize that fear is as real as we think it is.

Sometimes it is better off not to have a lot of time to think or analyze the fear. I was about to give birth. There was no turning back. I was not going to give up the privilege of being a mother to an innocent child because of fear that I would not be a good mother.

The best solution to facing fear is to take action, and face the fear head on. That night, I became a mother. I hugged and caressed my precious daughter. I focused on being the best mother for her, not thinking about reasons to justify why I could not be a good mother. I made the decision of being the best mom that I could be. Was I scared? Sure, scared of not doing as well as I could. I was scared but I did it anyway.

Recognize where the fear monster comes from. If we can create it, we can also conquer it. If we can take action in fear, then we will get good at not having the fear monster settle at the driver’s seat. We are in control. We can accomplish bigger and better things if we can put the fear monster in the backseat.