Thankful For The Living

Whenever I tell people that I am an oncologist, the most common response is that it is a difficult specialty because there is a lot of death and dying. I do not quite see it that way. Many of my patients are doing their best to live until it is time for them to leave this Earth. I am the facilitator in their journey, to help them extend their lives with meaningful quality of life.

We all have a finite number of days in this world. Most of us do not know when we will die. In patients with advanced cancer, there is usually an estimated time frame of living.

There is always something to learn from my patients. Some patients always have a positive attitude and they are full of gratitude. They accept the reality of their diagnoses. Even though they progress on the treatment, or they are having more adverse effects than expected, they are always thankful for the care they receive. Many of them also have supportive families whom share the same views.  

I have learned to have a more positive perspective in life. If the patient who is about to die radiates gratitude and a positive outlook, why can’t I learn to have the same attitude in life?

Then there is the other spectrum. There are patients who are always grumbling, who are never satisfied. They think that cancer should not happen to them and that it is a mistake. They think they deserve to live much longer.

I have learned from these patients too. There is no point in arguing with reality. Whatever events happen, we cannot go back time to change it. Things happen to us and for us. Yes, no one wants to have cancer. No one wants to suffer from physical ailments or the emotional turmoil that may come. I try to sprinkle and spread the positive attitude I learned from my other patients on to these patients. Positive and realistic. I am not expecting for a miracle. It is much more fulfilling to pay more attention to the favorable things rather than things you are lacking.

Some patients and some of their family members suggested to me that it was easier for me to deal with death and dying because I see it all the time. On the contrary. I do not detach myself from this human experience. I feel sad. I feel that a part of my routine life from that deceased patient’s visit is taken away. I wish I could have done more, knowing too well that I did my best, and whatever was more was divine intervention. I take comfort in knowing that those cancer patients who left are no longer confined to their deteriorating vessels. They are no longer suffering. I think about their smiles, their good days, their warm family ties. I am reminded of their legacy. This part of our earthly adventure never gets easier, but I believe we get to have a bigger capacity to accept life (and death), to gain experience and learn from it.

We only live once. Rather than focusing on dying, let us focus of the living. Our own living and our loved ones’ living, even if there is a known timeline to death. We all have a finite number of days to live and we just do not know when our time is up. Let us live every day with gratitude. Gratitude for another day to live, another chance to learn and grow. Another opportunity to make a difference on Earth.