Stop Making Excuses

Whenever I ask my son to practice the piano, he is ready to offer me different excuses. Either he is finishing up a game, or he asks about his sister when she is going to practice. He also uses going to the bathroom as an excuse. You get the idea – he is doing his best to avoid practicing the piano.

It seems to be easy to come up with an excuse when you want to avoid doing something or to justify an unfavorable outcome.

“There are too many patients on my schedule. That is why I can’t finish my clinic day on time.”

“That chocolate cake is so tasty, if I don’t eat it, it will be wasted.”

“I’m not telling him the truth (be it about a cancer diagnosis or some other bad news) because it will be too much for him to handle.”

Why is it such a natural thing to make excuses?

According to the Collins English Dictionary, an excuse is “a reason that you give in order to explain why something has been done or has not been done, or in order to avoid doing something.”

For the above examples, my son is trying to avoid the discomfort of practicing the piano because he thinks it is too hard. There is a fear of failure to finish the work day in a timely fashion. Then there is fear of deprivation and the need for instant gratification.

Excuses exist to keep us from doing what we are supposed to do but do not feel comfortable doing. They are used to protect ourselves, protect us from discomfort and fear. The discomfort comes from different kinds of failure. The most common is the fear of failure. Another reason for making excuses is to justify our actions, especially when we are not doing things according to the original plan or commitment.

In other words, excuses are meant to make us feel better about ourselves. This often is in the expense of us delaying or not moving toward our goal.

The inner voice of your excuse may be subtle, so subtle that you believe it is true and it is a justified reason. When you blame something on other people or circumstances, it seems to make sense. You feel better about yourself because it is not your fault. Oh, it is the situation that caused this. Or, that person is to blame. Excuses are often lies we tell ourselves, thoughts which are self-sabotaging, or tools to blame anyone or anything but yourself.

We make excuses to protect ourselves from the potential discomfort from different kinds of fear. Excuses keep us in the comfort zone especially when we are about to try something new. Excuses keep us short-sighted and seek for the instant reward rather than play the long-term game to achieve your goal. Making an excuse is also a form of procrastination, or justification of the procrastination.

Making excuses keeps us in the comfort zone. There are more than enough excuses not to stretch or challenge yourself. Making excuses also keep you small, as you are limiting your own growth. Making excuses keep you stagnant. Instead of learning and growing, you stay still.

It is time to stop making excuses which limit your growth and potential. Recognize it when you are making an excuse not to do something or when the result of your work is not as planned.

Explore the main reason behind your excuse. It is usually some kind of fear. Is it the fear of failure? Is it the fear of pain? What is it? By figuring out the reason, it is much easier to move forward.

Allow the fear, allow the discomfort. It will not kill you.

Own your work. Own the results of your work. There is no one else to blame.

Do not dwell in blaming yourself for making an excuse. Examine the situation and take action. Do the uncomfortable things if that is what is required to move you closer to your goal. Reframe your mind. When you are about to excuse yourself from doing something, you can tell yourself that you are “choosing to” do it. It is okay to live in discomfort and still do great things.

Excuses have become a routine part of our lives. If we are not aware of what we are doing, we are then subconsciously allowing ourselves to stay comfortable, to stay small, to get immediate gratification and to remain still. Allow the discomfort. Allow all kinds of fear. Do not blame someone else if it is your doing or your responsibility. You are in more control than you think. Use “I choose to” instead of believing you are cornered into doing something or having that unwelcomed result.