Perfectionism

We learned at a very young age that 100% is the perfect score. It is the ultimate goal and you cannot get better than that (extra credit aside). I would work hard toward the goal of getting the 100 points, unwilling to settle for anything less than that. If I did get a 98 instead, I would criticize myself for not achieving the idealism.

Throughout the years, the notion of less than perfect has become a weapon pointing at me. The definition of perfectionism from the Oxford dictionary is “refusal to accept any standard short of perfection”. This has become a belief that anything short of perfect is not good enough. Needless to say, I have walked on this earth spending most of my life thinking that I am not good enough.

Human beings are by definition not perfect. No one is perfect. How are we supposed to be flawless? Perfectionism, in other words, is refusal to accept ourselves as who we are. Perfectionism is a very sneaky thought planted in our mind. Its main purpose is to reject anything imperfect, including ourselves. We become tremendously burdened with the fear of being judged or rejected by others. Although conceptually most of us understand that we are not perfect, we construct a mental dam to separate ourselves from imperfection. We are unwilling to experience life beyond perfection. Whenever there is anything not up to our gold standard, we tend to feel scarce. We may feel drained of our energy. By holding on to an impossible standard, we hinder ourselves from moving forward. We may procrastinate, convincing ourselves that we cannot do the next step, using the convenient excuse of something is not perfect.

Instead of embracing the pursuit of being perfect or flawless, I invite you to practice accepting your own distinct characters. Oftentimes we go from one extreme of unachievable standards to bare minimum requirements. We go from having that impossible gold standard set to infinity, to the other end of the spectrum of not setting a standard at all. We can set very high standards and be nice to ourselves. We can remind ourselves that no one is perfect, and it is okay.

Having high standards instead of the unreachable goal of perfection frees us from the pursuit of an imaginary utopia that we will never reach. The fuel generated with high standards may be focus and determination. It may be content and gratitude. You get to decide. Achieving high standards and not faulting ourselves when things do not go as expected. Holding on to high standards and have compassion toward ourselves. Be willing to embrace our flaws, learn to adapt or even take advantage of our unique characteristics. This is a much better way to live and to move forward.