Let Me Run It By My…

When you are offering someone a service, have you heard the response, “Let me check with my spouse” or “I would like to run this by my partner”?

Sounds familiar? Have you given a similar response to someone else’s offer to you?

Let us explore what is actually behind the idea of having to check with another person on a decision about yourself. Say, you are interested in a course, a course you believe will benefit your growth. You are about to sign up for the offer while the other person is pitching. Then you hesitated. Instead of saying yes, I’m all in, you take a step back and reply, “Let me check with my partner and I’ll get back to you.”

To clarify this, I am talking about an offer or a course that is only for you, not for the both of you (i.e. you and partner). This checking with someone else behavior – seems to be happening mostly with women.

One possibility is that you are not in a relationship that you are trusted enough to make your own decisions. If that is the case, is that the kind of relationship you want to continue to be in? Is there a superior-inferior hierarchy? If it were me, I would rather be in a relationship which two people are equal partners, two people who are supportive and lift each other up.

Another possibility is that you don’t want to make your own decision. You may feel like the money (to be used for the course) is not your money to use. That happens commonly when you are not the breadwinner, or if you are the stay-at-home partner. Homemakers in particular: you provide value by staying home, by doing the house chores, cooking, taking care of the children, etc., so that your partner can work full-time and earn money without much to worry about at home. It is important to examine what equal partnership (or not) means in your relationship.

If you prefer not to make your own decision but to check with your spouse or partner, it may mean that you do not want to be fully responsible for you own results of buying that offer. In that case, you are questioning yourself if it is the right decision, and you are looking for support or rejection from another person. You are doubting the decision of saying yes because you are doubting the results. You are not sure if you will truly get the outcome you want.

What if your results are guaranteed? Would you still ask your partner their opinion? Or will it be a no-brainer, definite yes?

It is important to own your decision and your results. Once you make a decision to do something, be fully committed to it. You are responsible for the outcome. If you make the choice of taking a course, also make a decision to get the best out of it. The commitment, the determination and the focus will follow.