Just Say No

When I started as a brand new attending physician, I felt energetic, enthusiastic, and ready to conquer the world. I also thought that I was supposed to say yes to all the time. Saying yes to seeing another new patient not on my schedule. Saying yes to calling and counseling more patients. Saying yes to work structural changes which would increase my work hours. Saying yes to doing one more thing before having lunch. I can go on and on and on. And this is only about the work place.

Am I not supposed to say yes to everything that is put on my plate? Isn’t saying no a rude thing to do? What would others think of me if I say no and “rejected” them?

We all have many things to do each day. It is impossible for us to do all the things we want to do given a limited amount of time. It is important to set priorities and decide what are the vital few things you want to accomplish. Set aside the non-essential tasks for the moment. Say no to things which are not on the top of your crucial things to do.

The vital few things are things which will have the greatest impact of your life. They are also things which are in alignment with your beliefs and values. Examine your life and determine what is important to you.

For example, it is more important for me to spend time with my family than to have a free and fancy dinner. If this situation arises, between the two, I would say no to dinner and rush home to be with my family.

You get to decide what to say no to. I have come to realize that, by saying yes to some things, we are saying no to other things. For things which are no of the utmost importance, say no firmly and lovingly. This will get your message of “no” across loud and clear, not in a mean way. You are also saying no in the same manner to yourself, reminding yourself why you choose no and not feel guilty because you think that you should have said yes to something you did not want to do.

“No” is a favorite word among toddlers. They clearly know what they want and not want. There is no shame in saying no, and there is no hiding it. As we grow older, maybe wiser in some aspects, we lose the openness to outright say no to things which are not of importance to us. “No” is not necessarily something bad. “No” is not necessarily rejecting the person proposing the idea or task. “No” is setting our boundaries and making it clear what we want and where we stand.

Let us focus on doing things that matter to us the most, and say no to things that we think are trivial or are not going along with our values.