It Is Okay To Let People Be Wrong About You

As human beings, we seek for the sense of belonging. We join groups with similar interests, such as motorcycle forums, knitting clubs, cat lovers’ circle or running groups. We want the connection.

As physicians, we tend to seek for approval from our peers and from our patients. When a physician presents in a case conference, he likely wants to have his peers agree with his management plan. When a physician is discussing the disease and the treatment plan with the patient, he is also desiring for the endorsement of the patient.

I remember back when I was a young attending physician, I got upset when a patient chose to go with the doctor with an alternative opinion. There was nothing medically wrong with my proposed plan. That patient’s move made me think that I was thought to be wrong, or at least inferior to the doctor who was chosen. I made it mean that I was not good enough, and that patients would run away from me.

At that time, what other people thought was very important to me, so important that they defined who I was. If they thought that I was wrong, there must have been something that was wrong about me. That translated to I wanted everyone to be thinking the way I think, to have the same opinion as I do.

This resulted in feeling upset when someone was expressing an opinion about me that was not true in my eyes. This would start an argument. If there was no verbal argument, there would be a duo between my brain power and my mind, to imagine what it would be like if it was a different scenario.

If you decide to stand up to someone who is wrong about you, you may start to argue. Arguing may increase the conflict even more. You all may start to bring up more and more incidents which were different incidences of misunderstanding. This will increase conflict.

Arguing with someone to convince them they are wrong will likely not change their minds about the situation. Their minds were already set. Arguing is also emotionally draining. You are not likely to be able to change someone’s opinion. No matter how much you defend yourself, others are not likely to change their minds. It makes you feel awful, unjust and unsettled because you feel misunderstood. You feel that is not who you are. You somehow have allowed other people to define who you are.

What do you think about you? That is all that matters. Your opinion of you is the most important of all. This is not to say for you to start ignoring others’ opinions. As human beings, it is natural for us to pay attention to what others think, especially those we care about.

Allow your opinion of you define who you are. Be clear on your values. It is natural to care about other people’s perspectives because you are human. While you pay attention to them, allow those opinions to be different from your own or who you are. Other people do not define who you are. If you allow their opinions to coexist, you will have more peace. You are not going to dwell on and try to figure out how to change their opinions. You will choose your battles – when it is not worth your time and effort to point out who you are or what you think of their views, move on.

Allowing others to have their own opinions also lets you move on to more important things in life. Your productivity is less likely to be hindered.

When someone is wrong about you, acknowledge it. Pause. Listen to what they have to say. Be open about it. Remind yourself that we are all unique human beings and we are allowed to have different opinions about a situation. It is okay for someone to be wrong about you because they have their own views. Others do not define who you are. Coexist with other opinions, including one which are wrong about you. You will have more peace and it will be easier for you to move on.