Is Your Past Holding You Back?

Peter is a middle-age man who came to my office some time ago for a benign hematologic issue. I remember when I first met him, he appeared depressed. As we chatted more beyond his main presenting problem, Peter revealed that he felt crummy most of his life. He went on to tell me about his childhood, how he was in a broken relationship with his parents. He remembered all the details of the unpleasant things happened to him growing up.

As time went on, he believed that feeling of weighed down and destroyed were pretty much the only emotions he could feel. He believed that happiness was not for him. He continued to dwell in the pool of misery as he was playing the reel of past events in his head every day.

Peter is an extreme example of being trapped in his past. He is going around in circles, reliving his childhood every day, in his mind, unable to look past it for hope. Thankfully, he is seeking help. He is receiving therapy.

Are our past experiences holding us back? Are we nesting the belief that this is the way it was, and this is the way it will be?

No doubt our past, how we grew up and all the adventures and endeavors we had, shapes who we are. It is important to have the awareness of the times we use our past against us.

Are we telling ourselves that this is the way I was raised and this is how I am? If that’s a constructive way of living life, and if that is the best way you believe you can serve others, by all means. What if this very same thought is stopping you from trying new things or be even more amazing?

Let us develop the awareness of our thoughts, of how thinking about our past is shaping our thoughts today. Acknowledge those thoughts and beliefs.

Be curious. Ask ourselves, no matter how real it feels - is that particular thought constructive? Is that thought getting me stuck? If it is, then ask ourselves if what we are thinking is absolutely true. Look for other possibilities of thinking it. Are there other perspectives we can explore?

Our brain will likely offer up that, “but we have not done it this way before”, or “that new way of thinking is crazy”. So what? We are human beings. Yes, we are not perfect, but we can do hard things. We can learn new things, including learning new ways to think.

If we are not curious, the world would not have so many inventions or discoveries. I invite you to be inquisitive all the time. Examine your mind. Our past is a great tool that shaped us who we are today. Do not use it as a weapon to block us from moving forward to more amazing things or to restrain us from developing our full potential.