I Have To...

“I have to wake up early.”

“I have to leave on time to pick up my kids.”

“I have to stay at work.”

How often do you say “I have to” do something? How does it feel when you say that?

“Have to” implies an obligation, a responsibility. It even implies some degree of restriction, as if there is no other way. It almost feels as if there is no other choice.

When you are operating under the “have to” mode, how does that feel?

For example, “I have to go to work.” There is the option of going to work, and that is it. Do not even think about not going to work. You are bound by your job. This may bring you a stress and dread. Stress from doing something you are not necessarily 100% willing to do. Dread because it comes from a place of obligation, just like a command. It seems as if you do not have control.

“Have to” leads you to focus on what you do not have. You do not have the freedom of doing the alternative. You do not have the option to even entertain your brain to think of other choices. You start to think of all the reasons to support why you “have to” do that work. It will be natural to lead to dissatisfaction, frustration or even anger toward what you “have to” do. This mode of operation is unpleasant. It is not very efficient, and it is very draining.

What if I tell you that “have to” is a thought?

Whatever you think you have to, it is a sentence in your head to convince you exactly that. In reality, you do not “have to”.

When you say, “I have to go to work.” Is that true? Absolutely true?

The ultimate answer is no. Of course there are consequences. If you do not go to work, you may not be able to help others by doing what you are good at. You may not be able to live the same lifestyle as you do. You may not be able to pay tuition for your children.

See that whatever you “have to” do, there is actually also the option of “do not have to” do – it is just that most people prefer not to think about the alternative option, which translates to one option to operate, one choice, and therefore, “have to”.

Since most everything has at least another option, the more helpful way to think is using the sentence with “I get to”.

“I get to wake up early.”

“I get to leave on time to pick up my kids.”

“I get to stay at work.”

How does saying “I get to” feel?

“Get to” implies you have a choice. You have a choice and you decide this option to do something. You own the opportunity to decide. You have the privilege to make the call. You have control.

When you say “I get to” do something, it also indicates freedom. It is liberating to have the right to choose what you want to do. It brings about more joy because you believe that you are doing as you wish. You will find reasons to support why you “get to” do something.

Going with the same example, instead of “I have to go to work”, say “I get to go to work”.

I get to go to work to help other people. I get to go to work so that I have a steady income. I get to go to work to serve with my best skill set.

“Get to” generates appreciation for the opportunity. It also unveils gratitude. The gratitude for what you “get to” do, and also for things around you. It is also easier to discover joy in your work and in life in general.

The next time when you think you “have to” do something, remind yourself that there are many choices in life. Why not take the belief of “get to”? Is it not more fulfilling to get to do something of your choice? Let us appreciate this opportunity and the privilege we own. Let us be grateful and find joy in what we have.