How To Deal With Feeling Overwhelmed

A recent conversation with a physician friend revealed that she was feeling overwhelmed with life in general. Let us call her Mabel. Her initial reason of feeling overwhelmed was that she worked full-time, had to juggle with work and family, child care, housework, and other social responsibilities.

I asked Mabel why she felt overwhelmed. As she was about to list the above tasks (and then some), I asked what she thought about all those things she had to do.

“That’s too much for me to handle!” She plead, as if I did not hear her the earlier on.

“When you think ‘that’s too much for me to handle’, how do you feel?” I asked.

She replied without hesitation, “Overwhelmed!”

I was showing Mabel that it was not the list of things she had to do that made her feel overwhelmed. It was the thought she had about it that caused her feelings.

What we think affects our emotions. Sometimes we think the thought so fast that we do not even realize there is a thought process. By default, many thoughts get “skipped” throughout the day. It is natural to think that whatever situation or circumstance we are in causes our emotions.

It is important to realize that if we do not have a thought about something, that thing will not cause us to have a feeling about it.

Mabel was feeling overwhelmed because she thought that there were too many things for her to do.

There are many different definitions for overwhelmed. Searching online, I found a few that are most fitting: “beaten or overpowered, physically or mentally”, “completely overcome or helpless, especially with distress or exhaustion”, “mentally or emotionally demoralized”.

Since it is our thoughts that generate the emotions, when we feel overwhelmed, it is something we are thinking that causes us to feel overwhelmed. It is not our circumstances. It is not external forces. It is our mind, with that particular thought, that is responsible for how we feel.

This is really an enlightening moment when I was first introduced to this concept that our thoughts create our feelings. This means that we are responsible for our own emotions – even though sometimes it does not seem that way. We tend to think our situations or the external factors are responsible for how we feel. If we go with this concept, this means that we have no control of our emotions; it is given to us.

As our thinking affects our feeling, by managing our thoughts we get to manage how we feel.

When you feel overwhelmed, acknowledge your feelings. Even though the feeling of overwhelmed is not pleasant, do not push it away. Take a step back and find out what you are thinking that is causing you to feel this way. Then be curious, keep an open mind to see if there are other ways to view the situation (there always is).

Sometimes, the thought that caused you to feel overwhelmed is so strong that you are not ready to explore other ideas or options. Just realize that it is okay. Awareness is the key. Take your time to sit in it. When you are ready to be open to other options, go for it. Trust yourself that you get to choose what to think. Control what you can control.

Feeling overwhelmed is optional, because the belief or the thought behind it is optional. Just as two people may have two different opinions about the outside temperature of 50 F, so can you have different thoughts about the same situation. It may need some digging at times to find the alternative train of thought. The more you practice self-awareness, curiosity, and treat yourself in a non-judgmental way, the easier you will find a way to feel better.