Grant Yourself The Permission To Be You

Human beings are meant to be together, to form groups and communities. To be part of a group, it is common to want to fit in. Sometimes, you try to be someone you think the others want you to be.

This happens everywhere. As a physician, especially if you are in a group practice, you may try to adopt the habits of your colleagues. If you are a new attending physician, you tend to follow what the more senior attending physicians do. There is nothing wrong with that – until you are doing things to the point that you are losing yourself.

What does that even mean? What defines who you are?

Sure, you have unique facial features and no two people have the same fingerprints. What makes you who you are, besides your appearance, is what you hold dearly inside. In other words, your core values. What you believe is right or wrong. Without clearly knowing what your core values are, it is difficult to fully understand who you truly are. If you do not know what your values are, it is easy to have someone else’s values define you.

Imitation is often very useful and helpful. This is how we learn new skills. This is how we can pick things up without having to figure out fifty different methods which do not work. This is alright until you come across someone doing things which are against your core values. If you decide to follow those steps for the sake of fitting in, you may fit in, but people are connecting with someone who you really are not. By being someone who you are not, it is exhausting. It is draining. You make living to be defined by them rather than by your own sets of rules.

Give yourself the permission to be you. Allow yourself to live according to your values. You do not have to do things to blend in, if those actions are against your beliefs. Let other people see who you truly are. Be the authentic you. No matter who you are or are not, other people get to decide if they want to be around you. Show them who you are. Accept that it is impossible to please everyone and that is okay. I always give the example that even popular and famous stars have haters. You do not have to please other people. If the group or community you want to be part of requires you to change your beliefs, that is probably not where you want to be.

We are all unique. Our core values are influenced by our upbringing and our personalities. Know and understand your core values well. Let them guide your decisions and be who you truly are. To be who you really are, it is a decision.

A simple decision, although not necessarily an easy decision. You may have to allow the discomfort of not quite fitting in. You may have to allow some criticisms. Remember that other people do not define who you are. The most important person to define who you truly are is you. Even though your circumstances change, your core values do not. For example, you are an honest person who will not cut corners to achieve a milestone. Or you value integrity and you always keep your word.

Give yourself the permission to be who you are. Allow others to think what they want to think about you and that is okay. We cannot control what others think or feel. As much as we want to fit in, be it with your family or at work, having to bend your core values is not okay. Those values are what define who you are.