Being Grateful In Difficult Times

One of my patients was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer in her 70s. Let us call her Elle. Elle was always accompanied by her partner, Rob. I still remember when I had to discuss the diagnosis with them when we first met. She originally had locally advanced lung cancer and was recommended to have adjuvant chemotherapy after resection. Due to medical complications with serious infections and several hospitalizations, Elle never had the chance to receive any chemotherapy. By the time I met her, about six months after her surgery, the cancer already spread.

That was about eight years ago, and I still remember it like yesterday. What stuck to me is that no matter what information or news I shared, Elle and Rob always chose to be grateful. They would be grateful for the good news when the cancer was responding to treatment. They would be grateful when Elle tolerated the systemic therapy well. They would be grateful when the progression of disease was a relatively small extent.

Even toward the end of life, Elle and Rob were grateful for the extra five years she gained.

It is relatively easy to be grateful when things go well, when things go according to your preference. It may be challenging to be grateful when things are not going well in life.

Being grateful is a choice. You can choose to be resentful of your situation. Elle could have chosen to focus on being angry or sad about her diagnosis. Instead, she chose gratitude. She chose to be grateful for having treatment options and that she was able to tolerate them. She chose to be grateful for the care she received. She chose to be grateful for the supportive team she had.

Being grateful helps us focus on the positive rather than the negative aspects of a situation. There is always more than one perspective to examine a situation. In a challenging situation, such as having metastatic lung cancer, being grateful can enhance coping with the situation. Gratitude allows you to acknowledge the hard times while you focus on the better things out of that situation.

Gratitude allows you to appreciate things, especially everyday things many people take for granted. When you are going through chemotherapy and/or immunotherapy for lung cancer, it is wonderful to have regular bowel function. It is great not to have any allergic reaction. It is amazing that you can continue with your daily activities. Being grateful leads you to appreciate little things in life – although they become not so little things especially when you are going through cancer treatment.

Being grateful does not mean that you are ignoring the hard times or the challenges you are going through. Being grateful is a way to cope with difficult times by decreasing thoughts which cause anxiety, depression or other unpleasant emotions. You will still experience those emotions from time to time. That is why being grateful is an intentional choice and you are being realistic about your situation.

Being grateful is choosing to celebrate anything big and small. Celebrate a day with minimal pain. Celebrate the treatment went well. Celebrate the family time. It is the choice of not taking things for granted. It is to look at things in life as gifts.

Being grateful during difficult times may be challenging but it is doable. By choosing with intention and consciously seeking for things to be grateful for, you can deal with the hard times better by experiencing less stress while focusing more on things you appreciate. By not taking things for granted, life is more abundant, and every experience is an episode in life we get to appreciate.